Writings by me

I find Mother’s Day difficult, as many who have lost their mums do. As soon as the cards hit the shops, the dread sets in. Not only is it hard because I can’t shower my mum with the love I wish I could, it also means trying to find a card that conveys how I feel about my stepmum but doesn’t cross the ‘Mum,’ line.

I’ve had a tricky relationship with my stepmum. Only since the boys have been born has it been easier to embrace our relationship, as something separate to the relationship I had with my mum. At times it could be so difficult. Any warmth or affection I felt for her was always accompanied by a sharp sense of guilt and disloyalty to my Mum. 

Now, words can’t really express how much I admire my stepmum. I don’t know how she did it really; there were six of us, ranging from 18 months to 15 years old. We were all reeling from various traumas, our families breaking up and blending together and the impact of my Mum’s suicide. Throw in moving to a new place and settling into new schools and it could quickly have become a disaster. 

Alongside the emotional rollercoaster of bringing two families together, the practicalities were difficult; the daily school run routine at one time consisted of 7 packed lunches (Dad included) and 3 different drop-offs at 3 different schools. With Dad working in a high-pressure, senior role where he also travelled a lot, she literally held it together for us all, a lot of the time alone and while also working night shifts.

Since I became a mum, our relationship has changed for the better. I finally began to see her as a woman doing her best to look after us all. Not always getting it right, but always there trying. She never shied away from the hard stuff; she’s picked up the pieces so many times in my personal life as well as things in her own. Her support has been unwavering.

When Jon and I separated, she picked me up and told me I could be a single mum and I was strong enough to do it. She made sure I knew I’d never be alone. When my babies were born, she greeted me with a hot lasagne. When I rang crying because I just couldn’t see the bottom of the laundry basket, she drove nearly an hour to get my washing. When my appendix burst, when Harry was only 6 weeks old, she brought me back to stay with her, so I could recover. When she dropped me off at home afterwards, she didn’t leave me til the house was sorted, there was food in the fridge and my eldest was home from nursery.  I will always feel sad that I lost my Mum. I wish she was here, everyday, and I will be remembering her this Mother’s Day. But I’ll also be celebrating my stepmum and feeling very lucky for the relationship we have built.