Writings by me

I’m going to chat about something which still feels a little taboo but in the interests of being frank it’s a conversation which is needed; children’s sexual development. 

One Saturday morning I was quite happily sat on the sofa minding my own business, when my eldest comes downstairs, fully-clothed and says ‘hello’ with a mischievous look on his face. I look up, he is standing casually, with everything covered, except his willy which is just hanging out of his pj bottoms. Now I’m quite childish and found the whole thing hilarious. But now it feels like I’ve fast-forwarded a few years and am now in the thick of a strange parallel universe where my boys’ worlds start and end with what’s in their pants. Obsessive to put it mildly, they get their willies out at every opportunity, (I know, I know I should use the real word, but personally, the word willies still makes me laugh, and we’re all friends here) are constantly name-dropping their ‘nuts’ (and no we’re not talking about the salty, delicious kind) and I’ve had to talk quite seriously to them about where and when they are allowed to touch their private parts. Namely, not in my bed while I’m reading them a bedtime story, and wishing to go back to having babies – a simpler time. 

Then there’s the kissing. The boys have discovered there is more than one way to kiss. They’re obviously familiar with the sweet peck, the one I love to plant on their cheek, head, ear, hand, nose, chin, back of their neck, every chance I get. But now they’re learning there’s another kind; the smoochy kiss. The one where mouths are open and maybe a bit wet and with a bit of tongue. You know, the way we used to kiss our partners, back in the before-days (go on, you remember…right?!)

Now, before every kiss I have to remind them that mums like ‘pecks,’ not smoochy kisses. Not before I’m then covered in little boy spit and feeling quite uncomfortable about the whole thing.

This is another thing that people really neglected to talk about during the whole baby phase; that like every other type of development, sexual development starts happening REALLY YOUNG. Couple that with a hyper-awareness of consent and child and sexual abuse and we perhaps are a bit more uncomfortable with the whole subject than we would ordinarily might have been. 

Of course this hyper-awareness is essential to grow the types of humans that treat each other with respect and dignity. But sex and having a healthy attitude towards it, is also essential to a happy life, not to mention the continuation of the human species. 

So in case you’re also feeling a little lost about the whole thing, I’ve done some homework on what healthy sexual development looks like for kids and want to tell you that the following are totally normal: an increased sense of privacy and modesty, touching their own bodies, being curious about other children’s bodies, masturbation with awareness of privacy, asking questions about sex and using slang language and silly words to talk about sex.

There’s more to learn and though still a little squeamish, the above reassures me. I hope it reassures you too.