Writings by me

Being a parent is scary. Most of parenting’s scariness for me comes from knowing that the older they grow, the more important the outside world becomes. The latest scary issue for me? When to let kids have their own phones.

Managing technology consumption with your kids is one of the major differences of raising children in the 21st century, from say, when our parents were growing up. As one of the first generations to experience the expansion of the availability of mobile phones, I was allowed a phone at 14 and remember anticipating this milestone with great relish. Populating my Nokia 3510i (in colour!) with my contacts was an event I literally dreamt about, and it was not a disappointment.

Fast forward to my own children; 14 seems positively ancient and wondering about when my kids will have their first phone is more the stuff of nightmares. 

Freddie and Harry are 7 and 3 respectively, so I thought I had a while to worry about all that. Not so; hearing from others of kids aged 8 with their own phone and technology, it feels a little scary. The experts generally advise that before the age of 9, for developmental reasons, phones are just not a good idea. Obviously, modern life sometimes makes things a little more complicated than that.

The number one reason that would sway me towards Freddie having a phone before the old age of 14 is safety. Being able to get in touch with Freddie at all times is a definite advantage of letting him have a phone at a younger age. 

When Freddie is in year 6, he will be allowed to walk himself to school, will likely be going out by himself, with friends and as he becomes a teenager, he may be going to the nearest big city for days out. It will give me a lot of comfort to know I can reach him if I need to and that if something goes terribly wrong, he can reach me. It will also allow him more independence and develop his sense of responsibility. So far so good.  

On the flipside though, me being able to be in touch with Freddie at all times, also means that he can be in touch with others at all times. 

This has a few implications including that from first-hand experience, it can be overwhelming to be contactable at all times; it can make it harder to take breaks and switch off from others. For kids of school age, being able to be contacted at all times means blurring the boundaries between home and school; any bullying that takes place on the school yard stretches beyond it if a child has their own phone, especially a smartphone. Bullying is an unfortunate fact of school life; but without a phone, it can stay in the school playground.

Monitoring how much time they spend on them when they are pre-teens is an obvious remedy for the above concerns. The continued existence of the basic handset also saves the day in many ways; you can delay the use of apps til they’re ready; they won’t be targets for theft, and internet access will also be unlikely. Having a basic handset also takes care of screen time. There’s only so much time your kid will want to spend on a basic mobile handset.

I’m not sure how I will handle the migration from basic mobile handset to smartphone yet. Let’s do baby steps yeah?